How To Be An Alien. And Not To Loose Head.

I found one very smart text, that is worth sharing. Written by George Mikes [1912-1987] a while ago, published  by Wingate, London / NY in 1946, and sill great source of learning. Presenting to you, ladies and gentlemen: "A Handbook for Beginners and More Advanced Pupils".

"It was like this. Some years ago I spent a lot of time with a young lady who was very proud and conscious of being English. Once she asked me - to my great surprise - whether I would marry her. "No," I replied, "I will not. My mother would never agree to my marrying a foreigner." She looked at me a little surprised and irritated, and retorted: "I, a foreigner? What a silly thing to say. I am English. You are the foreigner. And your mother, too." I did not give in. "In Budapest, too?" I asked her. "Everywhere," she declared with determination. "Truth does not depend on geography. What is true in England is also true in Hungary and in North Borneo and Venezuela and everywhere."

I saw that this theory was as irrefutable as it was simple. I was startled and upset. Mainly because of my mother whom I loved and respected. Now, I suddenly learned what she really was.

It is a shame and bad taste to be an alien, and it is no use pretending otherwise. There is no way out of it. A criminal may improve and become a decent member of society. A foreigner cannot improve. Once a foreigner, always a foreigner. There is no way out for him. He may become British; he can never become English.

So it is better to reconcile yourself to the sorrowful reality. There are some noble English people who might forgive you. There are some magnanimous should who realise that it is not your fault, only your misfortune. They will treat you with condescension, understanding and sympathy. They will invite you into their homes. Just as they keep lap-dogs and other pets, they are quite prepared to keep a few foreigners."

To what extent is this true? So many my fellow nationals, and myself, have chosen to become alien somewhere, for all kinds of reasons. It is very exciting - and emotional - in the beginning; frustrating after some time passes and it becomes no longer a holiday; and getting more "normal" after a while. Local people are indeed very welcoming, although some have their own understanding how to help you integrate. (Oh, and I was doing same at home, too!!). When in reality all that foreigner needs is to be treated like everyone else. But then again - the language barrier, all the cultural misunderstandings.... Complications, complications!..

There are certain rules, however, following which one can blend in and make oneself as "acceptable and civilised as one possibly can". And that is probably the best way of integration. 

There is only one danger of overstretching. Just as George Mikes said: "Study these rules, and imitate the English. There can be only one result: if you don't succeed in imitating them you become ridiculous; if you do, you become even more ridiculous." True story.

From "wooden ship" to sensitivity

Never before I really thought what it means to be sensitive towards different ethnicities. Not only being respectful, but also communicating it, in the right way. That the famous cake in Lithuania "Negriukas" can sound like a deadly insult to somebody. That people can leave the room only because somebody said the "N" word out loud, in English. Or that there is a difference between "people of color" and "colored people".

So many misunderstandings can come just from the fact that we don't know about each other, what is sensitive in other cultures and what is actually not. I remember a story how in one hotel in Vilnius a Latino guest was asked to show some additional documents, only because he was served by a new receptionist who followed the rules with more scrutiny. He took it personally and it wasn't easy for personnel to calm him down! You never know where you can get an intercultural lesson.

Here in Georgia I heard many stories that make one smile. Like, people expressing their affection to foreigners of other ethnicity in the most inappropriate language - but so honestly and warmly, that their intentions couldn't be mistaken. Or when someone would point at differently looking people on the street and shout names at them - this is not funny, but makes one raise both eyebrows and think, why would anybody do that?. When even wearing red sneakers can be considered "Weird....", it is hard to stand out of the crowd. But still worth it. Because it is really interesting to watch how diversity transforms from an "old old wooden ship" into something more real. What will it bring here? I wonder...