How To Be An Alien. And Not To Loose Head.

I found one very smart text, that is worth sharing. Written by George Mikes [1912-1987] a while ago, published  by Wingate, London / NY in 1946, and sill great source of learning. Presenting to you, ladies and gentlemen: "A Handbook for Beginners and More Advanced Pupils".

"It was like this. Some years ago I spent a lot of time with a young lady who was very proud and conscious of being English. Once she asked me - to my great surprise - whether I would marry her. "No," I replied, "I will not. My mother would never agree to my marrying a foreigner." She looked at me a little surprised and irritated, and retorted: "I, a foreigner? What a silly thing to say. I am English. You are the foreigner. And your mother, too." I did not give in. "In Budapest, too?" I asked her. "Everywhere," she declared with determination. "Truth does not depend on geography. What is true in England is also true in Hungary and in North Borneo and Venezuela and everywhere."

I saw that this theory was as irrefutable as it was simple. I was startled and upset. Mainly because of my mother whom I loved and respected. Now, I suddenly learned what she really was.

It is a shame and bad taste to be an alien, and it is no use pretending otherwise. There is no way out of it. A criminal may improve and become a decent member of society. A foreigner cannot improve. Once a foreigner, always a foreigner. There is no way out for him. He may become British; he can never become English.

So it is better to reconcile yourself to the sorrowful reality. There are some noble English people who might forgive you. There are some magnanimous should who realise that it is not your fault, only your misfortune. They will treat you with condescension, understanding and sympathy. They will invite you into their homes. Just as they keep lap-dogs and other pets, they are quite prepared to keep a few foreigners."

To what extent is this true? So many my fellow nationals, and myself, have chosen to become alien somewhere, for all kinds of reasons. It is very exciting - and emotional - in the beginning; frustrating after some time passes and it becomes no longer a holiday; and getting more "normal" after a while. Local people are indeed very welcoming, although some have their own understanding how to help you integrate. (Oh, and I was doing same at home, too!!). When in reality all that foreigner needs is to be treated like everyone else. But then again - the language barrier, all the cultural misunderstandings.... Complications, complications!..

There are certain rules, however, following which one can blend in and make oneself as "acceptable and civilised as one possibly can". And that is probably the best way of integration. 

There is only one danger of overstretching. Just as George Mikes said: "Study these rules, and imitate the English. There can be only one result: if you don't succeed in imitating them you become ridiculous; if you do, you become even more ridiculous." True story.

From "wooden ship" to sensitivity

Never before I really thought what it means to be sensitive towards different ethnicities. Not only being respectful, but also communicating it, in the right way. That the famous cake in Lithuania "Negriukas" can sound like a deadly insult to somebody. That people can leave the room only because somebody said the "N" word out loud, in English. Or that there is a difference between "people of color" and "colored people".

So many misunderstandings can come just from the fact that we don't know about each other, what is sensitive in other cultures and what is actually not. I remember a story how in one hotel in Vilnius a Latino guest was asked to show some additional documents, only because he was served by a new receptionist who followed the rules with more scrutiny. He took it personally and it wasn't easy for personnel to calm him down! You never know where you can get an intercultural lesson.

Here in Georgia I heard many stories that make one smile. Like, people expressing their affection to foreigners of other ethnicity in the most inappropriate language - but so honestly and warmly, that their intentions couldn't be mistaken. Or when someone would point at differently looking people on the street and shout names at them - this is not funny, but makes one raise both eyebrows and think, why would anybody do that?. When even wearing red sneakers can be considered "Weird....", it is hard to stand out of the crowd. But still worth it. Because it is really interesting to watch how diversity transforms from an "old old wooden ship" into something more real. What will it bring here? I wonder...

Multilingual everyday

If someone told me that one day I will have to speak three languages at once, wondering in the fourth how it's possible - I would have smiled at his/hers imagination. And yet - that is my everyday life now. At home we speak English and Georgian, supported with Russian where nothing else can help. Although the body-language also often comes handy. I try to blend in with my little Georgian, using it in shops, taxis, post offices - even struggling on the phone sometimes. And in my gym my trainer only speaks Russian, so here it goes - all the Soviet cartoon vocabulary suddenly became useful!
It is funny to think that in some places in the very heart of Tbilisi you wouldn't be able to communicate in official language. And even more - nobody seems to care about it! I actually like it.
 
Maybe I should work on spreading some Lithuanian too. If only we used more gestures to follow it.

Mano kaimynai

Turiu puikius kaimynus. Negaliu skųstis - nebent vėlai po vidurnakčio, bet tai retai nutinka. Mano kaimynas groja gitara, ir dažnai turi muzikuojančių svečių. Štai dabar jaučiu, kaip dreba lentynos stiklai į ritmą ir bandau atspėti, kokiais instrumentais šiandien grojama. Solo gitara; bosinė gitara; mikrofonas irgi matyt įjungtas, nes per tris aukštus vokalas taip aiškiai nesigirdėtų. Kartais dar girdžiu būgnus - ar bent taip atrodo. Gerą skonį turi mano kaimynas - ir gerą balsą. Neveltui kunigas netolimoj bažnytėlėj. Su ilga barzda ir dar ilgesniu juodu rūbu. Išjungiu muziką, TV, ir grįžtu toliau klausytis.

Winter challenges in Tbilisi. Shower.

You would think that the worst winter can bring is cold and darkness. Yet if you can escape from it - say, to relaxing hot bath, everything becomes much easier. In Georgia, luckily, there is plenty of sun even in the winter; coldness is mild; and snow/rain - pretty rare as well. However. Recently one of my biggest challenges every morning/evening has become... taking shower. Fellow 'Tbilisians' will know what I mean: during "rush hours" water can be simply too cold even on maximum, it can be turning off all the time; water temperature changing up and down is not unusual either. As I was explained, this is because water is heated with gas, and in winter everyone is using much more gas - to heat the rooms, to cook, etc. Looking on the bright side, contrast shower is considered a healthy thing - and really I haven't been ill this year!
Still, it is also stressful when hot water disappears just after you have got all soapy (been there.....). So we have worked some strategies how to avoid it and enjoy water procedures without big interruptions. Effective 75%.

• To start with, turn on the water and leave it for a while. Temperature will get steady and you will know if it is worth to get under water - or to wait for the better times.
• Ask for help. If someone will be nearby to check if the gas works properly, in case it turns off you at least won't need to get out of the bathroom to turn it on again.
• At least in our home water temperature can be regulated both by the tap, and at the gas heater - one can put the flames higher or lower. Therefore, everyone regulates it only at the gas heater and DOES NOT TOUCH the tap. Keep it on maximum and hope for the best. 
• The taps in the bathroom and in the kitchen are somehow connected. Nobody should open water tap in the kitchen while you're showering - it will reduce pressure in the bathroom, and temperature might drop as well. 
• Consider taking shower when people do not use much gas - early in the morning or late at night (after 11pm). It's just safer.
• And finally, our latest discovery - if you leave the window in the kitchen (where the gas heater is) open, there is less chance that gas will turn off.

Sounds ridiculous? oh well...some time ago I wouldn't have thought I would ever need such strategies. But if you are there...you just live and learn, and be creative.